Relationships with Chronic Illness

Relationships are difficult and adding a chronic illness into the mix makes them more difficult. Relationships are all different. We have relationships with our parents, siblings, family, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, coworkers, and other people in our lives. It can be a task to balance all of these types of relationships along with making our health a priority. 

Chronic illness makes dating hard. We have to figure out when it's okay for us to disclose our illness, symptoms, etc. that we are going through. We don't want to scare off the person we are dating, but we also don't want to leave them in the dark. Their support could be beneficial depending on how they handle finding out about our illness.

We need people in our lives that aren't going to judge us for our health issues; who are going to be okay when we have to cancel plans because we aren't feeling well; who aren't going to push us away because we have to put our health first; who aren't going to tell us that we are too much to deal with because of what we are going through with our physical, mental, and emotional health. 

Here are some things that I've learned and feel called to share regarding relationships that I've had/have now in hopes that it will help you navigate your relationships:

• I have to put myself first. If I don't, nobody will. You are important and deserve to put yourself first in every aspect of your life.
• The people who criticize what you're doing, canceling plans because of your health, giving unsolicited advice in a negative way, etc. are not worth my time or yours. Stress adds to symptoms and having those type of people in your life will add to your stress. It's okay to let people go out of your life when you need to. They serve a purpose in teaching us something, but they don't have to remain in our lives forever. I've lost friends because they couldn't handle me canceling plans when I needed to and they felt like they needed to tell me what I was doing wrong and how to fix it in a negative way. 
• Forgive people for the way they treat you, but that doesn't mean you have to continue having them in your life.
• In the last 5+ years, I have been upfront with my bosses/managers as much as possible with my health issues because of needing time off for doctor appointments, unable to stand for long periods of time, etc. Sometimes this has been helpful; other times it's come back to bite me. The only advice I can give in this area is to gauge your situation and determine the best way to approach this for you.
• Don't force relationships. Relationships can't and shouldn't be one sided.
• Be there as much as you can for the people who are always there for you.
• Set healthy boundaries and practice self care. Feel free to read my Boundaries with a Chronic Illness Blog.
• I'm not married/engaged/or dating so I don't feel like I should speak on those types of relationships. 
• Do your best to not let anyone disrespect you in any way whether you have a chronic illness or not.  
• Let the people in your life know activities that you feel up to doing so that if they ask you to do something that you haven't talked to them about, you can say something like "that's not something I can do because I don't feel well enough to do it. Can we do this instead?"

I hope you find this information helpful.

Take care,
​💛Samantha

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